Nicko, I think the piece needs a deeper grasp of context and meaning. Suadade, by itself, is a very powerful word. A very effective poem bearing the same title comes from Claribel Alegria, whose collection, also "Saudade", was translated by Carloyn Forche. There's a copy in the lib. Notice how the two couplets, tho both attempt to show the divorce in a unity, is not effectively conveyed because the very words, very heavy words, bar the very experience. The word is very personal to me, and in many ways I have tried to channel its being personal into a poem that bears the same title, but I've always failed. And I feel that I know what will make this poem effective, coming from my own experience. But I leave this to you. Sometimes, the technique of losing is found in the simple play of rhyme and meter; here's an old trick.
Dahil mayroon pa ring mga patlang.
Ang 'marahil' ay proyekto ng magkakaibigang makata sa Ateneo upang mabasa ng isa't isa ang kani-kanilang mga akda. Ngunit kung natisod ka at napadpad dito, magbasa ka na rin. Konting pagtitiwala, baka may kumuyom sa puso mo.
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Nicko, I think the piece needs a deeper grasp of context and meaning. Suadade, by itself, is a very powerful word. A very effective poem bearing the same title comes from Claribel Alegria, whose collection, also "Saudade", was translated by Carloyn Forche. There's a copy in the lib. Notice how the two couplets, tho both attempt to show the divorce in a unity, is not effectively conveyed because the very words, very heavy words, bar the very experience. The word is very personal to me, and in many ways I have tried to channel its being personal into a poem that bears the same title, but I've always failed. And I feel that I know what will make this poem effective, coming from my own experience. But I leave this to you. Sometimes, the technique of losing is found in the simple play of rhyme and meter; here's an old trick.
-JC Casimiro
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